Communication problems in relationships are very common these days. One of the most familiar and disturbing scenes in the life of couples is when partners have dinner with an almost hostile silence. They have nothing to share, nothing that can be exciting or interesting to the other party. In some cases, the woman will ask “hey, what’s bothering you”. The answer is plain and uninviting. “Nothing”. And that’s it. End of story. The so called “conversation” is over.
This unfortunate situation can go on for hours and eventually partners start to get used to the fact that they are not talking to each other. They believe is natural. That all other couples are going through the same phase. They don’t accept that they have serious communication problems that can damage their relationship up to the point of break up.
Silence is the manifestation of judgment, worse than any other verbal criticism. Think about it. Silence is refusing the very existence of the relationship, canceling any possible chance, any attempt of defence. However, the desire and search of a healthy relationship is inherent in human nature. As Neumann suggested, the relationship between a girl and her mother is much deeper than a boy’s because he needs to differentiate his sexuality. Thus, women are much more capable of handling relationships.
In relationship dynamics, man’s reaction in communication problems is often not enough, childish or even funny. Silence is slowly killing the couple bonding, and it’s pushing the relationship to breakup. In the space of non existence.
When men are forced in this kind of hostile silence, they start to doubt everything. Are we still alive? Is it me? Can we solve our comminication problems together? Can we fix our relationship? Is there a way back to the happy days? You are sending all kinds of messages to your partner, but you don’t get any response. It’s like talking to a wall. What’s wrong?
Women are the victims of this kind of communication problems in relationship in most cases, even though the same might apply for men as well. This probably explains why more women than men are seeking help from a professional therapist. Women feel the need to speak to someone and this role can be filled by the therapist who offers help and advice on how to resolve communication problems. Unfortunately, that’s not enough. Both parties need to work on their relationship if they want to see a brighter future.
Women are trying hard to get away from the silence which is killing them. Words are the foundation of verbal communication. Any kind of pathological alteration of this dynamic force, frames the couple in a dire situation of a dreadful void.
In other people, these communication problems in relationships can manifest in a totally different way. For example, a non-stop discussion for unimportant things, triggered by the fear of silence, is filling the space with an empty talk that means absolutely nothing. So what’s better? Not talk at all, or start talking without even knowing what you are talking about?
The answer is simple. Make sure you find the right balance. Try to create meaningful conversations that are adding value to you and your partner. Be considerate. Put yourself in you partner’s shoes. What is he thinking right now? How would he feel if you talked about this? Would it make it easier to break the ice with a topic which is familiar to both of you? You see where I’m getting at. Try to build bridges in order to approach the person you love in a natural way. Don’t force it. Otherwise he might react and take a step back, hiding in the silence. And the vicious cycle will carry on recycling.
Silence makes us feel punished for a reason we don’t even know. Communication problems in relationships can be really harsh and have a certain sadistic element to them. Even though men are using them to play the role of the victim, it’s hardly the case. He might see it as a game, but when someone gets hurt, it’s never funny. And you know this better than anyone. Take the breakup quiz that can help you decide if it’s time to move on. You might have already reached the point of no return. If you spend most of the time waiting for a word that doesn’t come out of his mouth. If you are spending more time talking to a therapist rather than your partner. If you are over analyzing these communication problems with your girlfriends instead of facing the issue in the eyes. It’s time to stop and rethink.
‘nogh said…
