Dating someone with kids can be tricky, but not impossible. Women or men with children can be approached with 6 ground rules. Our dating experts have prepared a special issue about dating someone with kids, mapping the advantages and disadvantages of such relationships. Pay attention before it gets messy.
Don’t freak out though, dating someone with kids is not as bad as it sounds in the first place. You just need to remember a few simple tips. Our advice goes deep and takes you step-by-step from flirting to dating someone with kids and having a more serious relationship with them. You will see that love always prevails so don’t be scared. The secret is to believe in yourself and that you can make it happen. And most of all, have faith that love is stronger than any other feeling. It can hold you together even if the person you are dating has kids with someone else. If they are in love, you have nothing to be afraid of.
Let’s explore the 6 rules you need to know when dating someone with kids and get prepared for an interesting and rewarding journey into the unknown!
Rule #1 when Dating Someone With Kids: Trust
The first thing you need to understand when dating someone with kids is that you have to build trust. You can’t let these nasty thoughts of your partner going back to their ex. Sure they share a kid, but having children does not guarantee a healthy marriage. Recent research by Mary Park shows exactly how family structure patterns have changed and that separated parents can still love their children without having to actually be together. You don’t have to get pregnant when dating someone with kids just to keep him with you. Do you really think that this will change your partner’s mind? He has already been separated regardless of having children, so this is not a true obstacle for him. Realize that he is now yours and nothing will change this.
Rule #2 when Dating Someone With Kids: Talk about it
Open communication and honesty is key when dating someone with kids. You have to speak up and express your feelings. Tell your partner how you feel about them having children with another person. If you trust them enough (see rule #1), you can get into details about your fears. Let them comfort you. Let them reassure you that it’s OK and you can still go on dates. Try to understand what they have in mind when you raise such a discussion and mind their body language. Are you able to see them getting into a defensive position? They might have something to hide you. Do you spot any refusal issues? They probably still thinking about it and they are not clear about dating. Do they give you straight answers and are confident about their new relationship with you? Then you can feel OK and start worrying less.
Rule #3 when Dating Someone With Kids: Don’t make it a big deal
If you are dating someone with kids and you constantly bring it up, you are risking your entire relationship. No one likes the pressure. Especially when they have just went through a difficult break up or a divorce. They need some time to take it easy and not being pushed. Men and women with children are dating because they want to move on with their lives. They are looking for someone to make them forget what it was like to have children with someone you can’t stand. They have decided to find love after divorce and that’s why they are dating you.
That’s right. They are looking for love. Real love. They are not dating you because they want to feel free, or get revenge. That’s not how men and women with kids think when they are dating. For them, it’s always more serious. If you have the same serious feelings about them, then let go the bad thoughts and think of happiness with the person you enjoy spending most of your time with. Read these positive quotes to help you get into the right mood. Don’t act like their kids are a burden. Look at your partner and see if love is the only thing you can think of when they are staring back at you.
Rule #4 when Dating Someone With Kids: Meet the children
If you are dating someone with kids and you are enjoying a healthy relationship with them, it’s probably a good idea to meet the children. It might sound scary, but it’s not. You just need to be yourself and let all your fears go. If your partner’s children are younger than 10 years old you will have better chance to be liked. Kids are more approachable at this tender age and you can be their new friend. Don’t let them call you mom though! No matter how sweet it might sound, you need to stop it right away. Kids needs to know that they only have one mother, and that’s not you. It’s their biological mother that has given birth to them. Even when they come over and stay with you, don’t fall into the trap of being called “mom”. It will get you in a danger zone with really awkward circumstances in front of you.
If you are dating someone with kids older than 10 years old, then you have to remember that they are going through their teen phase when things are uncertain. Teenagers question everything. They even question their own feelings. They are not sure about what’s going on and they often reach dead ends. If they show some kind of disrespect, don’t take it personally. It’s what teenagers are used to. Even if they like you, they need to see strong evidence that you are “cool” enough for them. You have to work hard to earn their trust.
Rule #5 when Dating Someone With Kids: Don’t compete
Competing with the real mother or father of the kids never ends well. They have a huge advantage, so what’s the point of trying to compete with them? Avoid saying nasty things about their mother of father. You will not make them hate their parents. On the contrary, you might end up being hated for trying to get between them. If you are dating someone with kids, you have to accept that everyone has their own role in this love game. You are dating someone with kids, not their kids nor their ex. It’s you and your lover. No one else. Their ex husband or ex wife are history. You don’t have to prove anything. It’s not a competition where you need to show what a great mother you would be if it was you in the first place. Don’t position yourself opposite them because either way you will lose and you don’t deserve this. You are an independent person with your own qualities that has a great personality. Let your true self shine and they will love you for what you are, not because you are better than someone else.
Rule #6 when Dating Someone With Kids: Learn to Share
Now that you have mastered all five rules, you just need one more to get your training complete. Since you’ve learned that you don’t have to compete when dating someone with kids, the next logical step is to learn to share his or her time. Since the person you love has children, you need to accept that he or she needs to spend some quality time with them. Parents need to see their kids and have fun on specific dates that have been previously agreed with their ex wife or ex husband. You might think that you live a very busy life and it’s already hard to get some time together, how are you supposed to manage this on top of that? Well, no one said it’s going to be easy.
However, if you truly love your partner, you will have to accept that as a parent, they have the obligation and the privilege of seeing their kids once in a while. What if you can’t get away for a romantic weekend? When dating someone with kids, you will have to sacrifice some little perks of usual relationships. But the most important part is that they love you and they want to be with you, no matter what. And they are doing whatever is humanly possible to make time for you and their kids. If they are serious about you, they will find a way. Children can get sick or need more attention, so you have to be prepared to give up your plans once or twice for them. What can you do, kids are unpredictable. Even if they are not your children, you have to respect that their father needs them most when they are sick or they have a special celebration like birthday or school festival.
Are you already dating someone with kids? We would love to hear your real life stories. Leave us a comment and help others that face the same situation.